Honey, I'm hoooome!

My multiple sclerosis has knocked on the door once again and I tried valiantly to keep it outside but it's charging in uninvited and I feel myself retreating into my cave and nestling into my chair. I was so enjoying the holiday from pain and fatigue, I really was. But the chest is getting heavy, the shoulders are locking up, my legs hurt all day and the bowels are tight and the bladder is loose - and today I took a shower which means I've accomplished twice as much as I did yesterday. Yoorah - or however the marines say it. On the plus side, there is no place I HAVE to go, and for that I can be grateful, and there is nothing that I HAVE to do, again, I can be grateful for that - but I was really embracing the old me and I want her back again because I didn't get everything done! I should be used to this, but every year I hope that it won't end - or that they will find a way to bottle whatever it is that causes this little holiday - because I want a double order! I still have a lot to do - so this morning I made a list because we are back to needing the satisfaction of crossing at least one thing off once in awhile - instead of doing 15 things in one day - I really was a little dynamo before M.S. - sometimes it's been so long that I forget how much I used to accomplish. At least I got the kids raised - even if it was a challenge - and I don't think they felt like they missed out on too much because of me - I tried so hard to conserve my energy for the things that they needed - the first year I had to pull Andrew out of a few things, but once my M.S. found a new balance with my stay at home life he was able to get back into things - we never did rejoin 4-H, and of course I left the church so we didn't go back to sunday school but I taught dustin's class, not andrew's - I did manage to make it to most school events - and most sports events - I certainly tried to be a good mom. Dustin often complains about how he didn't have a dad growing up and Andrew did because Ken was working 80+ hours a week but I don't think he realizes how much more of a mom he had than andrew had because of my M.S. - so dustin had less dad and andrew had less mom. It probably balanced out in the end.